i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
