i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
