There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
