On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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