I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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