I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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