Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A+ Viking dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
