Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
