My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
