I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
