My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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