sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
