You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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