Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
