the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
