living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
