Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
