He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
