bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
