Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
