her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize