I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
