just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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