You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
