I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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