i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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