I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
