Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
