You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
