You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
