Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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