Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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