my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize