I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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