does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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