oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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