i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
