i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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