Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
