Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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