I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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