So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
