We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize