So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
