FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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