yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
