on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
