You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
