It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
