Kareoke will never be a sober sport
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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