I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
