porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
