Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
