I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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