Pants 0. Shit 1.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
