I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
