my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
