I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
