Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
