I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
