he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
