She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
