I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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