Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
