You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
