I only kidnapped one of them. chill
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
