I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize