i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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