don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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