i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize