I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
